I recently had a big ol' realization about one of the many things I am here on this earth to learn.
I was in the car with one of my dearest girlfriends, returning home from an epic day outing to Sycamore Hot Springs where we celebrated her b-day with a few other fabulous female friends.
The conversations we had in the car to and from the springs were amazing. We talked about everything from branding and new business ideas, to deep-rooted fears and blocks, to vacationing in Hawaii.
An "aha" for me came when were talking about our men and one of the key reasons I believe my partner and I have lasted almost 13 years.
I fully accept my man, as he is. I don't try to change him. I no longer allow myself to believe that he is just too flawed (making me...uh, perfect?) and it is my job to fix him. I no longer believe that everyone in my world must love him and that he must love everyone in my world.
I then shared with my awesome friend about my family and how I remember as a child being embarrassed by my dad because he would always clap really loud at sports games (and then continues clapping really loud for what felt like another minute after the applause would end). He also laughs really loud, tells all kinds of Norwegian jokes and gets super excited and happy sometimes. He's a really goofy guy.
How dare he!
My dad was and is one of the most loveable guys on the planet. He has fans in Minnesota and California alike. Truth is, I love him like crazy. It wasn't my dad with the problem back then, It was ME. I hadn't learned the art of acceptance, and letting go of my need to control everyone's behavior.
So I began attracting guys who were really cute, but a little different (sometimes a lot different). Their uniqueness was what I was initially attracted to, and then it became too over-the-top for me so I either pushed them away or pissed them off by trying to change them.
I ultimately attracted an extremely brilliant, eccentric, creative, and out-of-the-box man who is now my life partner and best friend. Because I hadn't yet learned the art of acceptance and because I hadn't taken ownership of my inner artist and so-called "weird-o", I called him into my life. And boy I'm glad I did!
It took quite a few years of frustration and disappointment that he wasn't who I wanted him to be in every situation, but I finally came to a place of peace and ease around who he is. I began to love his eccentricities and his creative genius, because I know that he really and truly is a good man with a giant heart.
But listen up...I'm not suggesting that you become a doormat.
I'm not saying that we allow our friends and lovers to walk all over us, disrespect us, act obnoxious and rude to us and those we care about, belittle or abuse us...just because we accept them for who they are, as they are.
We accept them and then we make a decision to stay in their lives or walk away. Our inner guidance system is set up for this purpose. We know that when we are focused on others too much and getting nit-picky and overly critical of their behaviors and actions, we aren't really looking at our own shit. We know that when we are being treated disrespectfully and abusively, it feels like shit.
So we have to get real with ourselves and with those in our lives and make a choice to move forward with them or without them.
You see, I believe that there is a place we can all come to in relationship where we feel the most freedom.
A place where our friends, family and lovers feel safe with us and we feel safe with them. We are not judged, criticized or put down for our traits. If we are, we communicate and then we make that choice about how we want to move forward with this person.
This is also a place where our uniqueness and "weirdness" is celebrated and honored...and mostly by us.
I realized that what I was rejecting in my dad, boyfriends, and even siblings and mother was what I was rejecting in myself. I didn't come to embrace my own uniqueness and inner weirdo until I took the focus off of others and started looking at myself and focusing on loving and healing Lisa.
It is up to us to create the life we want to live.
What do you want to create?
Who do you want to call into your life and how do you want to be treated?
Are you treating yourself in this way?
Are you ready to accept those that you love as they are? Do you accept yourself?
Begin by looking at your shit, healing your hurts, loving yourself and then sending that love out to your friends, family and the world.
Self-love, respect, and trust will always lead you towards freedom.